Discovering the Dark

A lot of people will probably agree when I say this, everyone’s personality is dominated by particular traits, prominently and clearly outlining how a person is, how he/she behaves and how their mindset is. But there are sides to everyone’s personalities, which remain dormant... waiting to be triggered by a word, a person, an incident, a situation. A calm and composed person will probably experience something which will force him/her to remove every bit of the built up anger and impatience, something unnatural to his/her usual self. Similarly, a happy-go-lucky person will go through a phase where he/she feels lonely and left out in spite of being surrounded by infinite known faces. People deep in depression learn how to rise from the ashes, the experience teaches them how to deal with the worse case scenarios life is capable of embracing. In my opinion, discovering and loving these sides lying in the dark, is critically important. Knowing yourself completely, finding out things which may disappoint or surprise you is something that makes you versatile, it’s only that when we spend time in the dark that we learn to respect the light.

My attempt at discovering the dark started one day with a simple conversation with a friend. She had just been reading the collection of my funny poems, when she asked me “Have you ever tried writing serious stuff?” I replied in the affirmative, saying I had tried hard but come up with very little stuff that made sense. Writing on personal experience was hard, things became repetitive and I sort of knew that only close friends would understand who or what I was talking about. Being spontaneous and nonsensically funny came easily to me, all I had to do was say the first thing that came to my mind. But her question forced me to re-consider, and I sat down to write something which would test my ability to be versatile, to write on something which would evoke the 1^st of the potent “3-L” emotions Love, Lust and Laughter.

I decided to try and transform a story into a tragedy, one which everyone could read and understand. There were many problems, something which took a whole lot of time to rectify. Capturing the protagonist’s accurate feelings was vital, I did not want to leave out any emotion, that would have been disrespectful to say the least .I wanted to keep it fairly simple, knowing that complicated words would mean too much was lost in translation. Writing something detailed and long, would probably make readers lose interest at a point.. 2 days of thinking and a lot of rewriting later, I came up with this-

I woke up that morning, just couldn't stop smiling,

“I'm gonna meet her today! The excitement was piling.”

This was the first time I'd see her, I'd only heard her on the phone

Endless conversations, girlish charm.. She'd had me fully blown.

"I'll see you tomorrow love.. Would 10 O'clock be fine?"

She said in a voice more intoxicating than wine.

I happily agreed.. I didn't sleep through the night

What will I say to her? Will everything be all right?

As the questions just went on, the night slowly faded

and as the clock ticked time, I felt increasingly elated.

I wore my best attire, stepped out into the sun's rays

So this was how it felt being in love.. I was totally dazed!

I reached the place we talked about, all that was left was the waiting

As I turned around, I saw her in the distance.. the one who I was dating.

She was on the other side of the street, exactly like the pictures I'd seen

She wasn't pretty or cute, but to my world she was the queen.

As her eyes finally met mine, I felt my heart was just struck

And as I blinked ever so slowly, I heard the horn of a truck.

The truck swerved out of control, it hit her body which bended

The echoes of her last scream, even today haven't ended.

I ran to where she lay destroyed, where her soul was so cruelly taken

I refused to believe she was gone,. Hoped that suddenly I'd awaken

I held her for the first time in my arm, knowing it would be the last time too

My hands were shaking, my feet were quaking, I just didn't know what to do

My eyes went numb, the tears wouldn't stop.. Her blood was on my skin

Half of me was too shocked to speak, half was ripped from within

The people started crowding around, A sea of insensitive whispers

All I needed was time alone with he, I prayed they would just disperse.

I closed her eyes, kissed her forehead, the cold skin froze my lips

They told me gently "It's no use now", and firmly tightened their grips.

I shouted and fought, like a savage beast.. every part of me grew wild

for a moment I was like a mother, separated from her infant child.

Her petite body lay on the red pavement.. not moving, ever so still

The sight of her so lifelessly limp, immediately snapped my will.

At that instant, I couldn't take no more, all I remember was falling

My mind went blank, knees gave away, my name people were calling

Later that night among all the grief.. I told myself I'd be brave

I picked my jacket, pulled it on.. then headed towards her grave

The light rain hid my tears, told me even the Gods were crying

She came and left so effortlessly, and now, even my soul was dying.

The seconds turned to minutes and then to hours..I just didn't want to leave

The fact that you were somewhere else now, was just too hard to believe.

I looked up at the sky, trying to find some...any kind of response from you

Trying to calm the urge to come to where you were, which ever so madly grew.

Your voice on the phone, so mesmerising, always kept me breathing

Now all that was left was this huge hole inside.. leaving me lost and seething.

I'll never know how it would have felt, to hug, to hold, or kiss you

But there is one thing I'll never forget, is how it feels to miss you.

4 long hours later, I gently stood back up, on her grave I left a rose

Hoping that how much I'm going through, wherever she is she knows

I went home, fell on my bed.. read her messages so subtle and clever..

The only memories I have left of her, which I'd keep with me forever.

It's been years since that fateful day.. but the memories still haunt.

If I'd not told you to meet me that day, would things still be this gaunt?

All I can do is ask questions, whose answers will remain a mystery

And I remain, a broken man.. with a dark, unforgettable history..

The response I received was really good, people congratulated me for trying something different. The fact that I was able to dig deep and find inspiration was even more satisfying. Thats why it’s something I’ve come to firmly believe in- “If you can’t make your light side any better, then polish your dark side.”