Infinite Darkness.

Sometimes I sit down to think, if I'm satisfied with my living

If my life would have differed, If God was a little forgiving?

I ask Him why I should be happy, when all my dreams he tore

Why should I be satisfied, when I know I could have had more?

I stand up in anger from my chair, wanting to try if I could sense

my way around my room for once, even if it was false pretence.

I was clumsy, disorganised... like a bird who's wings never flapped

But I was desperate, to shake off the feeling... of knowing I'm handicapped.

Every day I wished I was born, with a pair of eyes to glimpse

at all the things I've heard about, away from this eternal eclipse.

God knows how many times I think, about all the closed choices

about never before seen colours, the faces behind all these voices.

I try to envision being able to walk, without having to use this cane

I try to perceive what It'd be like, to look at nights kissed by the rain.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to see, all the food and drinks I savour

If I'd be able to do things on my own, instead of asking for favours.

The heart cries for this and more, not a single day can I breathe

God punish me if I'm lying, or if this has any undertone of greed.

But you know what puzzles me? Sometimes I think I'm blessed.

That I don't have to see my own kin, when they are sad or depressed.

It’s because I can't see I think, I've appreciated everything double fold

I'm happy hearing the rain, feeling the sun on my skin when I'm cold.

I'm grateful that I can't observe, all that is the Devil's property

The ugly face of terrorism or war, and the sadness that is poverty.

Sometimes I confuse myself too... What is it that I'd rather hold?

The ability to open my eyes at last, or keep them as they are... closed?

There's a rift inside to what I want, am I with this blindness, gifted?

Or perhaps I'm learning to live, until this infinite darkness is lifted.

Act of Random Kindness

There are numerous times in every person’s life when a friend, dear or distant, does something out of the blue- a call or a text message, a small note in your bag... that just lifts your heart. That small act of kindness leaves an imprint much stronger than anyone anticipates, a memory among memories, which keeps the bond of friendship ever so fresh and strong. But imagine yourself in a situation where you are struggling (and I mean big time), struggling to hold focus, to motivate yourself, to put yourself back together. You choose to keep these facts hidden from the people dear to you, afraid... that it might evoke needless sympathy and worries, which in turn will hurt you more. Then you realise, that the people closest to you are stuck in their own lives...  entangled in the fine and sticky webs they spun around themselves. Who, or what then, do you look forward to?

I was walking back from college at 8:30 P.M on a Wednesday night, another tiring 12 hour workday which started at 8 in the morning. A gruelling 2 hour football game had been preceded by 6 hours of work, without the help of breakfast or lunch to fuel the body which was by now, violently complaining for food. To make matters worse, it had started raining... and just this morning, fooled by a harsh sunny day I had removed my raincoat from my bag. Bravo Shamir... Bravo.

So here I was, literally dragging my feet in the rain, head bowed with the tiring routine when I heard a voice say “You need a lift son?”

I looked up, and saw an old man on a run-down moped from the early 1800’s I think... The kind of gift I expected from my sister for my birthday. I smiled, (very very appreciatively) and said “No thank you sir, I just have to walk about 600 metres to the bus stop. Please do carry on, thank you so much.” (I think the look of disgust on my face when I said 600 metres said it all).

But he shook his head and gave a patronising nod. “You won’t get too far in the rain in shorts and a torn football jersey. Hop on, I’ll be passing the bus stop on my way home.”

I looked at my right sleeve and true as he said, there was a big hole. The cold rainwater had been irritatingly giving me mini chills, so finally giving in, I gratefully agreed.

In the 10 minutes that the ride took, we swapped names, and a little bit of info on where we worked and where we lived. Seeing the bus stop in proximity, he stopped and then bade me a good night. I shook his hand with a new found respect for a complete stranger, a warm, genuine admiration for his random act of kindness.

The rest of the trip was a 50 minute-8 km trip in torrential downpour, but I wasn’t bothered. A little humanity from a fellow human being had filled my mind with a resolve that the world had a lot of unseen kindness to give. The best part is, I didn’t even have to find it... it walked up straight to me. Where my close friends had failed to see I needed a small dose of the “feel-good” pill, a stranger had unconsciously injected it in me. That’s the power of a random act of kindness... something that inspires me even today to do the little things... even when they seem they aren’t needed, hoping that I cheer someone else up in the process. In times of peril a little empathy, from anywhere, goes a long way... 

Miserable Monday

How I wished, the German class would just end soon,

I’m sleepy, it’s already 4:30 in the afternoon.

Boredom reached its limits; I knew I could have died,

Just as the German teacher said his 400th”Tut mir lied”.

And then I heard the magical words, from his mouth,

“German is over, now you can go out”

Pumped with energy, filled with desire,

I ran out of class like my ass was on fire.

And as I reached outside, my feet automatically stopped

I could swear my eyes from their sockets, almost popped

I saw her right there, skin as white as milk

The hair flowing down, like fine threads of silk

A thing of beauty, she glided through the street

I adjusted my path, to make sure we would meet,

I looked up then, into those beautiful eyes

With the glow and warmth of a firefly’s

And slowly but surely her head turned around

For the second time, my feet were stuck to the ground,

“Excuse me” she said”where’s the academic block?”

“Just continue straight” (Wow! She actually talked?!)

“Thank you so much” she said, with a smile so quaint

I smiled back stupidly, trying not to faint,

“Haha, you’re so cute”, she cheerily obliged

And I turned as red as a baboon’s backside.

And then fate stepped in, and took a turn for the worse

A cruel game of life, my luck turned to curse.

He came up smoothly, gave her a kiss on the cheek

And then I discovered, I had no words to speak

It was like I swallowed, a jar full of salt

What the hell did I do? Was it my fault?

The spot where he kissed her, turned a rosy red

“Madam, do you even remember anything I said?!”

It was like straight from Titanic, just different you see

She was Kate Winslet, Leornado was me,

And just as I tried to climb the floating door,

She stamped on my face, I reached the ocean floor.

“What are you thinking?” the guy suddenly said

“How to bang an iron rod, right on your head”

“Bye” she said demurely, smiling with grace

I was stranded in cold, the blood left my face

She was 23, and that was the scene

And I was a demented nutcase, only 17

It wouldn’t have worked, I sadly grinned,

To her anyway, I was a fart in the wind.

I bowed my head, gracious in defeat

Well at least I still am, single and complete.