I watch you fight an invisible force, everyday you grapple with it to speak
Then I can't make out what you're saying, tears come rolling down my cheek.
I pray to be able to read your thoughts, do the things your mind has planned
I beg to be able to be a good mother, to be able to understand.
Understand all your beautiful intentions, which Autism has so painfully tainted
I wish I could see the lovely pictures, which your mind has so delicately painted
It pains to see you trying to convey something, when the world around you swirls
It pains when I can’t find a bridge, to reduce the gap between our worlds.
Your cries hurt me more than they hurt you, because I can't perceive your signs
I break down when we sing songs together, and you can't remember the lines.
I weep my eyes red when I can't tell, whether you even like whatever I cook?
I cry when I have to read you a story, but I don't know your favourite book.
But even when I can’t stop my tears at times, there are moments of absolute magic
Moments which seem to balance the worst, all the other times when it seems so tragic.
Like when you forget to say the right words, and you find yourself in a total muddle
You smile, you walk slowly towards me, then wrap your arms around me and cuddle
You've taught me not to cry anymore, turned my tears into spell of hysterics
At those times we sing at nights together, and you can't remember the lyrics.
You've taught me that we might struggle, but we're only strengthening our bond
With every second that we spend together, even when neither of us can respond
You mean the whole wide world to me, nothing can beat the love I have for you
So let all these problems rot in hell, hold me close and we'll make it through.
